Monday, February 7, 2022

4 Page Letter - Returned


In May of 2016, I decided I was done! I had given my all to this relationship, fully committed and it still wasn’t good enough. The problem was, it was good enough for him but it wasn’t good enough for the people he kept in our business. 

With Dre and I living on the same block and growing up in the same neighborhood everyone knew us from childhood to adulthood. Everyone knew we were complete opposites, but I honestly don’t think people could understand how we ended up together. It was none of their business! However, I am 5 years younger than Dre and at the time I really lacked the maturity to ignore the hearsay and gossip. So I would go on social media and lose it - everybody got cursed out. I’d go months and years without speaking to people that I had heard say things about me to him and it was just unhealthy. 

But in 2016, I had matured enough to know that I wasn’t standing for it anymore. Dre would use his family and friends as his sounding board. Cool, but what wasn’t cool was that their opinions formed his perception of me and our relationship. And that’s exactly why I left. I left with no plans of looking back. I literally told him, if they think they know what’s best for you then go be with them and let me know how that goes. Dre is so stubborn that he agreed and he left. Almost with an “I'll show you” attitude. 

No one could believe that both of us had taken such a hard stance against each other and that for months we cut off all communication. In order for us to talk, extreme measures would have to be taken. He couldn’t access my phone, social media, etc. and neither could his family or friends. I said I was done and I meant that. 

One thing was constant - his communication with my mom. My mom loved Dre. They had built their own relationship despite me telling her how he didn’t have a mind of his own and was easily influenced by others opinions. One day, my mom and I went to the evening service at church and guess who was there - Dre! I felt like it was a setup, and even in church I looked at him like I didn’t know him. 

Deep down, I knew I loved this man but what I didn’t know was how much he loved me. I knew all about how the people who loved him felt, but I didn’t know how he felt. That was always clouded by their opinions. So that summer was truly a Hot Girl Summer! I even made it well into the Fall, until November 27, 2016. 

I arrived home from a nice weekend away and taped to my mailbox was an envelop that read, “BRIANA MACON”. I took it off and ran in the house to read it. I honestly had no clue who it could be from but I was curious. To my surprise, Dre had written me the most vulnerable, delicate, passionate, and transparent 4 page letter confessing his love for me. He made vows and promises in it that I had never heard before. Y’all, he promised me twin babies lol. He also promised to make me his wife! 

I cried the entire time reading it. I called my best friend and then my mom so they could hear it too and each time I cried reading it to them. Then, I called him. I wanted him to come over because getting me back would take more than just a letter. I had a list of commitments I needed him to make. There were non-negotiables that I needed him to agree to. I was content with the fact that if he did not agree, we would remain apart. 

He came over, we dissected the letter page by page. As I sat in my bed and he sat on my floor - we cried. I mean really really cried. We were authentic and vulnerable with one another for the first time and it felt good! My request were this:

1. Fix the broken relationship I had with his friends and family. I felt as though he caused them and it wasn’t my job to fix them. 

2. Until #1 was done I’d never agree to marry him.

3. Keep everyone out of our business. No matter what! 

4. Put me first, always and really what I wanted here was to feel prioritized. 

Dre also had a list:

1. For me to stop expressing my frustrations towards him on social media.

2. Be patient with him as it relates to his career.

3. To never forget his promises to me. 

4. Communicate more effectively. Basically, stop cursing him out. 

We both agreed and I promise, it grew our relationship so much. For the first time it felt like we were finally playing for the same team with the same goals. Dre fulfilled his commitments and I did too. We still do! At that time, we had also committed to putting God first in our marriage. If we had problems, go to God. If we were in need, ask God. 

A lot of the problems in our relationship came from involving everybody but God in our relationship. We were taking advice from single people who were no where near having a successful relationship. We were also taking advice from people who didn’t have a vested interest in the success of our relationship. It felt good getting past that hump. I honestly think the 6 months we spent apart were necessary for our personal growth. The commitments we made then remain in existence for our marriage. 

It is true when people say, keep people out of your marriage. Nobody knows your relationship better than you and God. Seek guidance from your spiritual leaders. More importantly, talk to each other. Listen to understand one another, not listen to respond. There is so much healing in listening and communicating authentically and effectively.